Silence and I
by TamChronin
Summary: (Tokyo Babylon) S&S AU...What would happen, if at the end of the year, Seishirou admitted he lost the bet? An exploration of the changes that could have been.
1. Prologue

__

Author's Note: Yes, yes, I'm starting a new story. Please, be gentle. I have only read through book 5 of Tokyo Babylon and seen XTV, so if there are things (like Kamitra warned me there are) that seem off, please take that into account. I don't know Hokuto nearly as well as I'd like to. ~sniffles~ Other than that, please enjoy this! Please tell me what you think, and please let me know if you think I should continue! Many thanks go to Kamitra for this, you have been an inspiration as well as supportive. (Okay, and it was also convenient that you let me babble at you when it came time to push the bird out of the nest.)   
  
**Silence and I   
  
Prologue**

  
  
"Subaru! Where have you been? I've been worried sick!"   
  
Hokuto was frantic by the time he stumbled in the door. Their grandmother had called three times and there had been a phone call about a job, but his pager was still resting in his bedroom. Underlying it all had been an unshakable feeling that something was wrong. She had woken up with a blinding headache and a feeling that the world had somehow--shifted. Things had been building for a while, she had felt it coming, but today that feeling just stopped.   
  
Subaru simply shrugged distractedly. "I had something I needed to do." He wandered to the kitchen, fixing himself a glass of water, but he didn't drink. He stared vacantly off in the distance until Hokuto walked up behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder. The glass slipped from his fingers. As it shattered Subaru didn't even flinch.   
  
Hokuto shot her twin a bewildered look, then quickly started cleaning up the glass. Subaru didn't move at all as she knelt down and fussed over everything, picking up the large shards first by hand. She walked over to the trash can, paying more attention to her brother's stunned state than what she was actually doing. A sudden sharp pain in the palm of her hand made her cry out in pain, and finally Subaru reacted. He was there to help her stop the flow of blood as it pooled in her palm, and he took the shards from her and threw them away himself.   
  
She dressed the wound herself, returning to find Subaru mopping up the last of the glass and water on the floor. She was slowly unwinding the white gauze as she watched her brother finish. "Are you okay?" he asked gently as he put the mop away.   
  
"Oh, nothing to worry about. It stopped bleeding already. There aren't any slivers, and I don't need to go to the hospital or anything." He still came over and helped her with the dressing on her wound, making sure it was tight so it would not reopen. That's when she noticed-- "Subaru, you got blood on your gloves."   
  
He looked startled, then looked at the stains where he had grabbed her to try to stop the blood. He couldn't take his eyes off of the deep red that contrasted with the white gloves he had decided on that morning. They were one of his favorite pairs, so Hokuto felt a touch of guilt that it was her fault they were now ruined. She should have been paying more attention, she should have--   
  
Subaru fell to his knees and all thought left his sister's mind. His expression was bitter as he tore off the gloves for the first time in her view in as long as she could remember. He looked like he was going to throw them across the room for a moment, wadding them into a ball and cocking back his arm, but his eyes fell upon them again and he stopped. Instead he clutched them to his chest and began sobbing brokenly.   
  
Hokuto couldn't believe her eyes. This just wasn't the way her brother acted. It wasn't like him at all. She kneeled next to him, wrapping him in her arms, holding him close to let him cry it all out. Each sob was like a stab through her own heart. Why was he like this? What had changed? In the course of doing his job he had seen so much and been put through hell, but it had never broken him.   
  
The sobs finally subsided, though when Hokuto pulled back to look at Subaru's face the tears were still flowing freely. "What happened?"   
  
"He's gone," he said in a hoarse whisper, chin quivering.   
  
That's when she realized that only one person could have reduced him to this, only one person could have destroyed him so utterly. Hokuto gasped. "Sei-chan? How? Why? When?"   
  
"He left. There's no trace of him. When I woke up this morning there was a note on my pillow telling me I won, and that's it. I had to go see, and everything's already gone."   
  
"I'll kill him! I can't believe he did this to you! To do all that and then just up and leave? I don't think so! I'm going to kill him!" It was just what she had promised Seishirou after all.   
  
"No! Hokuto, you can't. Please." Subaru sobbed into her shoulder, holding her tightly. "Don't do anything, just let him go."   
  
"Give me one good reason I shouldn't go after him for hurting you."   
  
"Because I love him. And I love you. And he'll kill you if you confront him."   
  
Hokuto looked stubborn in the face of Subaru's declaration, but something about what he said made her pause. "He really is--"   
  
Subaru nodded. "He is the Sakurazukamori."   
  
She moaned softly. She had known there was something sinister about their friend, she had sensed something dangerous about the one who had presented himself as a kindly vet, but she had eagerly thrown her own twin brother at him. Hokuto had been so desperate for Subaru to find happiness in true love that she had jumped at this chance. _What have I done? I encouraged my innocent little brother to love the one person in all the world he never should have. This is all my fault._ She remembered with a wince all the times she had joked about the Sakurazukamori clan of assassins, and how their Sei-chan was a member. It had been morbidly romantic in theory, but she really thought it had been all in fun. This wasn't funny or romantic or anything resembling good.   
  
"The note? What exactly did you win anyway?"   
  
"My life." The answer was so soft that Hokuto almost couldn't hear it as he spoke into her shirt. "I remember it all now, and that's all I get. My life, and the worthless knowledge that I get to keep it."   
  
*~~*~~*

  
  
Seishirou surveyed his new apartment with a smile. It was spacious, the carpet was a dark green through most of the rooms, while everything else was in black and white. He imagined how everything would look once it was furnished and things were arranged to his liking. This apartment had potential. He would be comfortable here, and that's all that mattered.   
  
Until then, there were boxes and empty spaces.   
  
The empty spaces bothered him, but when he looked at the boxes and thought of some of the things they contained he hesitated in filling those empty spaces. He had packed everything, and there were just some things he didn't want to face right now.   
  
_Why did I do that?   
  
Why did I walk away?_   
  
There was the obvious answer. He had lost. Subaru actually meant something to him, and he could not bring himself to destroy the boy. He had come to terms with that in the hospital when he realized that he had stood in the woman's path out of a genuine want to protect his Subaru-kun. He hadn't expected that though. It has been part of the bet, he had said the words himself, he had said that he would protect Subaru through the year.   
  
He had never imagined that he would lose an eye standing in the way of danger though. It was something that went beyond the bet, beyond simple duty, and when he had forced himself to see the truth behind his motivation he realized he had lost. He could have stopped her, he could have killed her, but instead he had put himself in harm's way for the sake of Subaru.   
  
_Now comes the hard part, the unexpected part. What do I do about this?_   
  
He sat on one of the larger boxes, pulling out an ash tray and his pack of cigarettes. He lit a cigarette while he thought things through. The first thing he realized as he inhaled the smoke was that there would be no simple solution. He had made the bet under the assumption that he could not feel a thing for another human being. He had smiled as he killed his own mother and watched her die in his arms, and neither of them had felt regrets at her death, so why now?   
  
It was simply too puzzling.   
  
He crossed the room to the window, trailing tendrils of smoke. The city called to him, reminding him of the duties he had. His world did not end simply because he found himself unable to kill one person in this world. He would continue as if the year had never happened, performing his tasks with skill and cunning, with the cold calculation of a hunter.   
  
He only hoped that fate would not cross his path with either of the Sumeragi twins before he had a chance to plan what his next move would be. It was a situation that could prove to be...awkward.   
  
And that was a word that Seishirou could not accept being applied to his life.


	2. As If By Chance

Author's Note: Many thanks go to all my many reviewers, and especially to Xandra and Kamitra for reminding/pestering me to update. ~huggles you both~ Thank you! 

This chapter may seem a little fluffy. Wait. 

* * *

**Silence and I**

_Chapter 1: As If By Chance_

No matter how many years passed, Subaru could not forget that one year and the bizarre conclusion. It cast a shadow over everything he did, making school all but impossible to get through. He forced his way through though, owing most of his success to pep talks and occasional bullying from Hokuto. 

Graduation was behind him now, and all he could think of was taking a break. A very long break. One where he didn't spend every moment obsessively studying between the ever increasing jobs, hoping beyond hope that his attendance record would not slip to the point that he'd have to take the classes over, again and again. One where he had an occasional weekend to himself to do what he liked. One where Hokuto stopped pestering him to go on whatever blind date she had set up for him this time. 

He sighed heavily as he pulled the tie tight around his neck, feeling like it was more of a noose. But, it went with the outfit Hokuto had picked out, and he would rather put the constricting thing on than listen to her shriek at him about his sense of style. He looked in the mirror, making sure everything was up to his twin's standards, grinning. Her taste was outlandish, and he preferred not to attract that much attention usually, but he had to admit that something about the clothes she loved to dress him up in looked good, and made him look good. 

"Aren't you finished yet?" Hokuto's voice carried from the living room, eliciting another smile from Subaru. 

Deep blue with highlights of crimson, a hat to match, and the gloves were laying on the dresser, waiting to be stuffed in his pocket and forgotten as usual. It may be winter, but he'd rather keep his hands in his pockets, even after all this time. If he left the gloves behind though, he'd be nagged about them, and about how they completed the outfit and kept his hands warm. He straightened the hat one more time and walked out for the customary inspection. 

"You know, you don't need to set me up with someone every time you want to go on a date with Kakyou-san," he said softly as he entered the living room. 

She jumped up, fussing over him, double checking everything, and beaming with pride. That was the real reason he indulged her in wearing these outfits. It made her happy. Was there any greater reward than making someone you cared about happy? 

"I just want to see you happy again, it would be so nice if you were in love too," she said, echoing his thoughts without meaning to. 

"I am happy," he lied. 

She simply shook her head. 

"Would you settle for content?" he grinned, looking sheepish. 

She crossed her arms in front of her chest, trying to look imposing while trying not to laugh at the same time. "Content is a far cry from happy, you should give it a try some time!" She beeped him on the nose, making them both laugh. 

"I remember being happy, once. I'll settle for content." He said the words softly, half hoping she wouldn't hear him so he could dismiss them casually, but he couldn't seem to hold his tongue despite his reservations. Hokuto winced slightly and looked away, and immediately Subaru gave in. "I'll try to be happy. I'll give it another chance." 

The sunny smile Hokuto produced was almost bright enough to blind, but Subaru didn't mind. He let her fuss over him one last time, straightening his tie and reaching up to finger-comb his hair a little. It still felt strange to him at times, to be looking down at her when most of their life she had been the same height. Her hair was now longer than his too, and though they still looked like twins they no longer looked identical. 

She finally handed him a piece of paper with the address of his date and hurried him out the door. He kept a smile on his face until he was sure she wasn't looking anymore, and then he sighed a little, wearing a more neutral expression. Another night with a complete stranger. He double-checked his cel phone to make sure it was on. Just in case. 

~~~~~@~~~~~

An hour later, Subaru was waiting in line at the movie theater, by himself. His blind date had opened the door, only to announce that she wouldn't be able to accompany him that evening. She had just gotten back together with her boyfriend, and all three of them had stared awkwardly until Subaru had smiled kindly, assuring the girl that it was okay, and backed out. He wasn't entirely disappointed, though the girl had been pretty enough. It was rare that Hokuto set him up with a girl, after all that had happened, so there must have been something special about her. Still, he couldn't bring himself to regret being alone tonight. 

He chose a film at random; picking one that was starting soon. He bypassed the concession stand without a backward glance, slipping into the theater just as the lights began to dim. He spotted an empty seat in the back row and hurried to it, not wanting to be in anyone's way when the movie started. As he hurried to his seat though, something distracted him. There was something not quite right, something that should be familiar, but something he couldn't quite put a name to. It was like an old melody that repeated in your mind, but only a few bars would play. The harder he concentrated, the further away the certainty that he knew it became. 

He had nearly reached his seat when the thought snapped into place. In mid-step he began to turn, looking around with wide eyes. He realized he had misstepped a moment too late to correct his balance, and he fell forward, expecting to land on his hands and knees. Oh no, not again, he thought, as the dark floor rushed up to meet him. 

Hands grabbed him, steadying with sure strength and no hint of hesitation at helping. Subaru stood, stunned and staring at the man who just helped him. "What are you doing here?" 

"Just saving a seat for my Subaru-kun," Seishirou answered with a smile. 

Subaru sat in the empty seat quickly, unsure if he could trust his legs to support his weight after the shock. Seishirou was back in his life. 

~~~~~@~~~~~

Hokuto looked over at Kakyou with a grin as they walked hand in hand through the park. _It's a good thing the Sumeragi name carries so much weight, or he would not be here with me now._ She pressed her head against his shoulder for a moment, though their pace didn't make the gesture practical to maintain. 

"It's pretty here, but where are we headed in such a hurry?" 

Kakyou gave her a small smile, then quickened the pace again. "The park is only a shortcut. We're headed to the subway next." 

She almost hit him. "On our date? Why? You're supposed to do something romantic, not this!" 

He stopped, bending down to whisper softly in her ear. "It's a secret," he breathed, lips brushing ever so slightly against her. She shivered involuntarily, and then looked up at him with starry eyes when he stood again. "Trust me, the destination will be worth the travel." 

"Okay, let's hurry then!" She gripped his hand tighter, then started running, pulling him along behind her. His smile grew slightly and he simply allowed himself to be lead. 

~~~~~@~~~~~

The Sumeragi sat stiffly in his seat, trying to shrink into himself so he would not accidentally brush against the man sitting next to him. He stared straight ahead, keeping his eyes on the movie screen, rubbing the backs of his hands absently while his mind raced. Seishirou, on the other hand, was leaning casually back in his seat, unashamedly studying Subaru and smiling at what he saw. 

Neither saw much of the movie, letting it pass while they concentrated all their awareness on each other. It was an excruciatingly long hour and a half for both of them, but neither of them exactly wanted it to end either. Subaru didn't want to know what Seishirou had planned next, because he had no doubt that the Sakurazukamori would have a plan. Seishirou didn't want the movie to end because he had no idea what he'd do next--he just knew that he had to keep Subaru in his sight. He wouldn't let go now that fate had pulled Subaru's string back across his path. 

~~~~~@~~~~~

"Okay, I give up. I'm completely lost! Where are we going?" Hokuto was amused, but pretending to be irritated. The truth was, she had never been happier, but she couldn't admit that. Well, not yet at least. 

"It's just beyond that corner," Kakyou assured as they walked down the dark street. 

"But there's nothing over there! Just the beach!" 

"Exactly." 

"It's the middle of the night, and you brought me to the beach?" 

They rounded the corner and found cement steps leading down to the sand. There was a bonfire in the distance and people obviously around that, but Kakyou and Hokuto walked the other way and were quickly swallowed by the darkness of the night. The roar of the ocean muffled most of the other sounds, and soon the two found a spot of sand to sit together, alone. 

The darkness over the water brought out more stars than Hokuto could remember seeing before. The sight took her breath away and gave her goose bumps. "It's amazing," she breathed, leaning in close to her boyfriend. 

~~~~~@~~~~~

"Subaru-kun, wait." It wasn't a command, but Subaru didn't think it was exactly a request either. The words lay somewhere in between, and he found himself obeying. The other movie patrons filtered out quickly, and only when the theater employees came in to clean did Seishirou stand. 

"What are you playing at, Seishirou-san?" 

The Sakurazukamori didn't answer; he simply led them out to the street. Subaru thought about ducking the other way and losing himself in the masses of people, but he didn't. He followed. Curiosity pulled him along swiftly...curiosity and some other emotion that Subaru didn't want to look at too closely. 

"Where are we going?" He finally demanded when they reached a street corner and waited for the light. 

For a moment, the mask Subaru was always used to seeing on Seishirou's face was missing. It was a chilling look that the younger onmyouji had only seen a handful of times before, including the fateful first meeting that had been erased from his memory for so long. That look lasted only for the blink of an eye before Seishirou smiled. "I just thought that, if we followed the movie with dinner we could call it a date." 

"That smile doesn't fool me anymore," Subaru stated stubbornly. 

Seishirou just laughed, and Subaru found himself following anyway when the light changed. 

~~~~~@~~~~~

Silence stretched out between Kakyou and Hokuto as they drank in the beauty of the night. Finally Hokuto couldn't keep her silence any longer. "You seem preoccupied. What's wrong?" 

"You should turn your phone off. You won't need it here, and the signal won't reach this spot anyway. It's best if you don't waste the battery." 

Hokuto blinked a few times, but Kakyou's eyes didn't leave the starry sky. She checked her phone and saw that the reception display confirmed what he had already said. She frowned at the phone before shutting it off and returning it to her purse. "There's something you're not telling me." 

He nodded. "If I told you, you'd worry. There's nothing to worry about." 

"That's hardly reassuring!" 

Kakyou nodded again, then leaned in closer. "Then let me distract you. We'll head back at moonrise." 

For a moment Hokuto was torn, but Kakyou caressed her cheek and leaned closer for a kiss. It became harder and harder for her to think, or to feel anything beyond this moment. The roar of the sea soon drown out her doubts and the feel of his kiss distracted her from anything but that moment. She gave silent thanks yet again that she had been able to rescue him. No one else could distract her like he could. 


	3. Double Date

_Author's Note: I can't tell everyone how sorry I am that this has taken me so long to write. When I said my TB/X muse is fickle, I guess I meant it! I only hope I don't take another few months for the next part of this. Feel free to pester me or send me ideas or...well, no, please don't send death threats, that's a little overboard. ~laughs~ I hope this chapter is acceptable! Please be kind and let me know what you think. _

Thanks this chapter go to Xandra and Draconis-sama. Xandra for being patient beyond all reason while my muse teased me, and Draconis-sama for kickstarting my muse with her wonderful CCS/TB fusion and the evil plot bunny that will be my next X fic. ~bows~ Thank you both very much! 

* * *

**Silence and I**

_Chapter Two: Double Date_

Subaru stirred his food around on the plate a little, staring at it intently without even looking at it. He was focused entirely upon the man sitting across from him, but couldn't force his eyes to actually *look* at him. Finally Subaru couldn't take it anymore. "Why did you leave?" he blurted out suddenly. 

Cold amusement played across Seishirou's lips. Subaru imagined he could see the emotion causing the assassin's eyes to glitter behind the dark glasses, but the lenses were impossible to actually see past. "You won. What did you expect me to do? Do you really think I could have stayed?" 

Bright green eyes filled with vulnerability and pain before Subaru pulled himself together with a deep breath. "I don't see why not," he replied automatically. 

This was met with a deep chuckle. "You're so cute, Subaru-kun." The sentence was clearly mocking, clearly implying that Subaru was being as naïve as he had been at 16. Something about the statement warned Subaru that despite the words, it wasn't actually cute at all. 

The Sumeragi blushed, eyes returning to the food as he stirred it again. "What I mean to say," he murmured softly, "is that I wish you hadn't left like that." 

*~~*~~* 

There was a lull in the roar of the ocean for a moment before another wave began to break against the beach. It was hypnotic, watching and listening while they sat side by side. 

She leaned her head against his shoulder, enjoying the warm feel of his body against her cheek. A moment later he placed his arm around her and she nestled comfortably there, feeling safe and protected in his embrace. 

The moon dipped lower toward the horizon, but they still had a long time to themselves before it was time to return to the rest of the world. She still wondered what the big mystery was, why he was doing this, but Kakyou never so deliberately distracted her without a good reason. Hokuto almost asked him again why they were really there, so far away from everything, when he leaned close to murmur in her ear. 

"Coming to the beach in the middle of the day that first time was one of the most wonderful memories I've ever had. It was nice that it was with you, but the majesty of the ocean and seeing it with my own eyes was almost overwhelming. In some ways it was like sharing that first dream with you, when you helped me see beyond my meager experience. In others though, the reality with all its flaws and the sheer noise of it all made it more real than I could grasp. The bright sunshine hurt my eyes, but not enough to want to filter it through anything. I didn't want to wear sunglasses back then ever because I needed to see everything for myself and experience everything I couldn't before." 

"I remember," Hokuto murmured, reaching her left arm across to take his free hand and entwine her fingers in his. "No matter how many times I told you I thought you would look good with matching sunglasses, you were so stubborn. I'm glad you learned to listen to reason." 

He chuckled softly, kissing the top of her head fondly before he began to speak again. "Coming here at night though, it's much different. It feels like a mix of the real world and the dream world. A marriage of sorts between what I've always known, and what you have shown me." 

A hint of premonition sparkled around the edges of Hokuto's consciousness. His choice of words had been deliberate. She barely dared hope, but she somehow knew-- 

*~~*~~* 

Seishirou made every pretense of being calm and in control, but the truth beneath the surface would have shocked anyone who knew him. Not that anyone living really did know him, but if-- 

He frowned, staring intently into the huge green eyes of the young man before him. No, he still didn't understand this feeling after all these years. He just knew it was there, and it was stronger than before. He knew it was love, he knew he would rather die than see his Subaru-kun come to harm, he knew exactly what this feeling was, but that didn't help him to understand it in the slightest. 

So, he mulled over Subaru's statement with the care a police officer might approach a suspicious package after a week of bomb threats. He had no idea how to deal with such a plain and honest admission. "Do you really, Subaru-kun?" he mused aloud. "Have you thought about what would have happened if I hadn't left like that?" 

"Every day!" Subaru protested immediately. Then, he backpedaled when Seishirou began to grin. "I mean, not every single day, but it is something I've thought about a lot." He was blushing again. It was amazing to see a grown man blushing like an innocent teenager the way Subaru was. Seishirou wondered if that was because Subaru still thought like a sheltered child, or if it was a regression due to circumstances. 

"I imagine it would have made your sister very happy," Seishirou mused. "Then she wouldn't have to kill me for making you cry. Then again, there's no guarantee on that. Tell me, if I announced my undying love to you that day, and wanted to stay by your side, how would you have reacted the first time I had to do my job? My real job." 

Subaru's initial reaction was exactly as Seishirou had predicted. He looked hurt and opened his mouth to reply immediately, but then the full nature of the question hit him and he stopped. The words that came next were not quite expected though, and showed that Subaru had indeed changed somewhat over the years. "You did leave though, so I suppose we'll never know." 

Seishirou couldn't stop the smile from coming at the serious tone of those words. "You never would have taken that tone with me before, Subaru-kun. All these years apart seem to have helped in some way at least." 

"Did you expect my world to end, just because you left?" 

"No, and I'm rather glad it didn't." 

*~~*~~* 

"Does this mean what I think it means?" Hokuto stared, wide eyed, as Kakyou smiled and slipped his hand in a jacket pocket. 

He hesitated though, smiling wider than she had ever seen before. "I suppose that all depends on what you had in mind." 

She punched him lightly on the shoulder, pretending to be mad. "You know exactly what I'm thinking! Don't play games with me!" He laughed so easily in reply, and Hokuto wondered how he could be so at ease...unless.... "You dreamed this already, didn't you?" 

The smile faded, slipping away along with the lighthearted mood that had sprung upon them. "Not this moment, not exactly--" 

"But you already know what's going to happen. You already know what I'll say." 

He looked out over the ocean, and pulled out the jewelry box his hand had already been holding. "It's not as romantic this way," he said sadly as he pulled opened the box and pulled out a ring. His smile was now a wry twist on his lips as he pulled her hand and placed the ring carefully on her finger. 

Hokuto tackled him back into the sand, and hugged him hard until he was gasping for breath. "Yes it is! Do you think something like that really matters to me? The important thing is, you asked!" 

"Technically, I didn't." 

"Close enough." 

*~~*~~* 

By the time they had both finished eating, Subaru had no idea what to think. Everything was inside out and upside down from where it was supposed to be. "Do you expect everything to be okay again, just because you're here now? I'm not sixteen anymore, and everything is different now." 

"I expected nothing, Subaru-kun. You're the one who can't seem to decide what you want." 

It was true. Over the course of the night, Subaru had gone back and forth many times, happy and angry and hurt and hopeful.... "You're right. I can't. I just don't know why you're here, now, after being gone for so long. What do you want from me?" 

Seishirou was silent for a long time after that question, and Subaru was happy to help that silence be maintained. He needed to regain control of his emotions, because the turmoil he was in now was just too much. Seishirou paid for their food, refusing to listen to Subaru's protests and the offer to pay for his half. They were back on the street and walking, apparently aimless, before Seishirou answered the question that had been presented. 

"What do I want from you? I want the answer to a question." He leaned in close to Subaru, causing the younger man's heart to race and a blush to stain his cheeks. "In a year's time I kept the truth from you at every turn. You never knew who I was. You didn't know what I was until I had already left. So, the question is, do you want to know?" 

Subaru swallowed hard, trying to think rationally about this. His grandmother's voice was clamoring in the back of his mind, lecturing about the danger of the Sakurazukamori and the evil he represented. As a counterpoint he could hear Hokuto chattering on and on about how romantic the idea was, like a fairytale or shojou manga. Subaru stood somewhere in the middle, face to face with the reality that no one else seemed to understand. 

The honest truth.... "Yes." More than anything. But, he kept his answer to one word. It was all he could really bring himself to say, wondering if he was willingly wandering into a worse trap than the original bet could have been. What would have really happened, if--? No, he didn't want to think about that. What had happened was bad enough. That could have been much worse. 

*~~*~~* 

Kakyou held a hand out to help Hokuto stand. "We stayed a little longer than I planned." 

"Oh? I suppose the world is going to come to and end just because we're late?" 

He looked at her impassively, ignoring her teasing tone. "It might." 

Her eyes grew as large as saucers for a moment, but then she stuck her tongue out and glared. "You shouldn't joke about things like that, I'll never know when you're serious! Wait, don't tell me if you're being serious or not, let's just go." 

The yumemi shrugged, not entirely sure if he was joking either. Too many things were still up in the air, and things were still falling into place as the turn of the millennia approached. Still, those events were still far enough in the future that he could lay them aside for now. "You'll want to turn your phone back on once we reach the street." 

"Is this what it's going to be like, the rest of our lives?" She wrapped an arm around his waist as they walked back in the darkness. 

"Maybe," he admitted softly, kissing the top of her head. "I suppose that depends on how long the rest of our lives will actually be." 

"When I first found you, before we met, you were so resigned about the fate of the world and the state of your dreams. I thought I'd have to fight you for years to get you to change your mind about fate and destiny, but you suddenly changed, and you never told me why. What happened?" 

Kakyou froze, standing stiffly with a deep frown on his face. He looked down at Hokuto once again, and then shivered. "Not tonight. Ask me another time, but not tonight. We should be thinking of happy things right now." 

She reached up, brushing his cheek lightly in an affectionate gesture. "Okay then, I'll ask some other day. I don't want to ruin this night with heavy thoughts when I'm so happy." 

They walked the rest of the way in silence, holding each other under the stars as the damp air cooled. He felt Hokuto shiver and immediately draped his jacket over her shoulders. As soon as they reached the street, Hokuto took out her phone and made sure the signal was good. She had just smiled triumphantly when she saw it was good, when the phone rang. She jumped, glaring at Kakyou when he turned to hide his smile. "You knew this would happen," she accused. 

He just nodded as she answered. 

"Subaru! I'm so glad you called, I have wonderful ne--" 

She broke off and listened for a minute. "Ah, I'm sorry she didn't--" She was interrupted again. The pause was longer this time, then she just asked, "Who?" 

Kakyou pulled out his own phone and called a taxi. The date was over. Hokuto would want to be there for her brother now, as soon as possible. At least he'd done all he could to put her in a good mood and prepare her for this. Perhaps fate would continue to be thwarted. Perhaps his dreams this time would prove untrue as well. Hokuto was living proof that he wasn't always right after all. She was his hope. Her life was everything to him. "Don't worry, tell him we'll be there within the hour." 

She nodded and smiled appreciatively, passing the message to her twin. She hung up, just as a lone taxi drove up the street toward them. "Is *this* how it will be, for the rest of our lives?" 

"Probably," he sighed heavily, opening the car door for her. 

"My answer, to that question you never asked, is yes." 

"I already knew that." 

"Oh, sure, but it's still nice to hear." 

He clasped her hand in his, twining his fingers between hers possessively as he gave directions to the driver. He sat back, thinking that he should be worrying because there was so much to worry about now. He didn't. Instead he just stared at his fiancée and thought about how lucky he was. 


	4. Pieces

_Author's Note: I'm finally back with more of this. I've struck plot! Okay, none of it really shows yet, it's still just situation, but rest well knowing that I have a firm and unique direction to take this in. It still might take forever because I've found I'm very careful when it comes to writing things in this fandom. (Anybody else feel like they're walking on glass? ~laughs~) _

So, I would like to again thank Larania Drake for all her assistance with this fic. I'd also like to credit Mars-sama, my Seishirou-san, for bringing me back into the right frame of mind to write this. And, of course, I must thank everyone who has read this and left a reply. You warm my heart. 

* * *

**Silence and I**

_Chapter Three: Pieces_

Hokuto rushed into her brother's apartment to find him sitting on the couch, staring blankly at the floor. He gave her a half-hearted smile when he saw her, but he looked more lost than she'd seen him look in years. His voice on the phone had worried her, but seeing him made her heart wrench in her chest out of concern. "Subaru?" 

"I'm fine," he said lightly, but the pain never left his eyes. 

"Like hell you are!" She crossed her arms over her chest. "You can't lie to me, and a perfect stranger would have seen through that anyway!" 

He nodded, eyes returning to the spot on the floor he'd been staring at so intently before she rushed in. "I'm sorry," he whispered, and she realized it wasn't the floor he was staring at, but his hands. The backs of his hands. 

Hokuto let out an exasperated sigh and sat down next to him. "Now, tell me what happened. Everything." 

Subaru gave her every detail of the evening, from how he fell in the theater to talking over dinner, to how Seishirou had finally walked him to his apartment door and wished him goodnight before literally disappearing into the shadows. "I feel like I'm drifting into a nightmare. This isn't going to be like when we were sixteen, no matter how much that's what I've been wishing to have again." 

They both lapsed into silence, until Hokuto suddenly looked up with a smile. "Of course it won't be the same. Even if Sei-chan had never left, today would not be the same as then." 

"I know," he said softly. "I'm scared to see what I'll find out about him. What if I hate him, after all is said and done? What if I only loved the lies he told and the illusion he showed me to deliver them?" 

"That's not what you're most scared of though, is it?" She reached over to hold his hands comfortingly. 

"What if I love him?" His voice cracked over the words, revealing his deepest fear. "When all is said and done, he's a murderer. He is everything I have fought against, and everything I could never be. Grandmother would--" 

"Deal with her when you know. You've got enough to worry about right now." 

"H-Hokuto?" He sounded shocked, and she thought at first it was for her suggesting they keep something this important from the current head of the Sumeragi Clan. She was about to defend herself, when he pulled on her hand. "What's this?" 

"What--oh!" Hokuto realized what he was staring at almost immediately. In fact, this was the first time she'd looked at it in light, and she gave an involuntary shiver at just how beautiful the engagement ring was. It was a plain gold band that gleamed in the light, just as she'd expected. The stone was a glittering diamond cut in an unusual shape though. It looked like it could be a teardrop--or half of a heart. It was truly breathtaking. "Kakyou proposed to me tonight," she said with an impish grin. 

"You let me sit here and worry, when you could have told me the good news?" He tried to pout and look scolding, but it didn't stick. He was soon grinning along with her; genuine happiness on his face. "I'm so happy for you. Congratulations." 

They hugged, and Hokuto could no longer hold in her excitement. They began talking about her future now, and both became animated and dynamic. It was easy for Subaru to get swept up in Hokuto's enthusiasm, and just as easy to avoid talking about Seishirou. 

It was just impossible to stop thinking about him. 

*~~*~~* 

A week passed in drudging normality; the only thing different was the charged feeling in the air. Change was upon them, and the future was in flux once again. Kakyou allowed himself a frown of worry before he knocked on the apartment door, but by the time Hokuto answered he had allowed himself an indulgent smile. The present was wonderful. Seeing her, touching her, smelling her subtle perfume as she wrapped her arms around him...these things made everything worth it. The future was in a precarious state of balance, but what mattered to him was not the future. It was the present. 

As he stepped into the apartment though, he lost his smile and became more formal and guarded. They were gathering for a congratulatory dinner that Subaru had insisted on taking them to, but Hokuto had come up with an idea that Kakyou wasn't sure how to feel about. 

"He's not here yet," Hokuto teased, poking her fiancé in the belly. "You don't have to get all defensive." 

"I'm not," Kakyou insisted. "You just don't know..." he trailed off, unwilling to share things he'd seen in his dreams years ago. 

"I'd know if you'd just tell me," she reminded, hands on her hips. 

Subaru walked into the living room from the kitchen at that moment, carrying a tray. He immediately set it down though, backing away. "Oh no, I'm not getting in the middle of one of those again." 

"We're not fighting!" Hokuto said, glaring at her twin now. 

Kakyou grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her close, on the verge of laughing at the exchange. 

"We weren't fighting! You just won't tell me anything." She was pouting now, but leaned closer to him. 

"Maybe some day," he murmured in her ear. "Just not today." 

The doorbell chimed. The easygoing and fun dynamic died, filling the air with tension. Kakyou found himself wrapping his arms protectively around Hokuto, feeling more than ever that he didn't want to let her go. Subaru smiled nervously and started walking toward the door. "I'll get that." 

"It's fine," Hokuto whispered, giving Kakyou a kiss on the cheek and jumping from his arms. Even as Subaru was formally greeting the latest arrival, Hokuto bounded over enthusiastically. "Sei-chan! It's been years!" She crossed her arms and pouted. "I'm mad at you, and I don't know if I'll ever forgive you. You didn't even call!" 

Kakyou was surprised to hear a pleasant laugh from the figure in the doorway. "My sincerest apologies, Hokuto-chan. Can I offer this as a flag of truce?" He produced a white rose with a carefree smile, offering both to Hokuto. 

"I'm not the one you should be giving flowers to, Sei-chan," she said. 

"Hokuto-chan! I-it's okay! Really!" Subaru stammered, looking so very young again.... 

Kakyou frowned. He'd heard stories, hushed words spoken of a time that was both wonderful and terrifying, where Hokuto had felt like she was skating thin ice and decided to take each day as it came. Some days she would tell him how she'd known all along and worried long into the night. Some days she would say she'd had no way of anticipating the truth, and even less of knowing the outcome. Subaru had refused to talk about that time entirely. Now Kakyou felt like an intruder on that life, watching what things must have been like, and knowing he had no place in that memory. He was the outsider, watching something as if it were a scene of the past unfolding before him and untouched by him. Like so many dreams he'd observed without being a part of-- 

Like the dream where he'd seen Hokuto's death-- 

"I understand that congratulations are in order." The group moved into the apartment now, door swinging shut, and Kakyou caught sight of the Sakurazukamori for the first time with his waking eyes. His eyes narrowed as he watched the tall figure walk into the room, and the air in the room felt at least 5 degrees cooler. The man was dressed in a dark suit with a black trench coat draped over one arm, despite it being the middle of summer. For that matter, he was still wearing his sunglasses. From what he knew of Seishirou, Kakyou wasn't sure if the sunglasses would be more or less sinister. "What mere mortal could capture the attention of the elder Sumeragi twin?" he asked in a teasing voice. 

Hokuto danced across the room and casually draped her arm across Kakyou's shoulders. "No mere mortal. Kyou-chan is the man of my dreams." She giggled, and her eyes sparkled proudly. 

As they exchanged introductions, the two men took each other's measure. A flicker of something akin to recognition flashed across the Sakurazukamori's face, and a slight smile grew there. "No mere mortal, then." 

Kakyou shrugged. "I hardly think a quirk of fate such as that would be enough to sway Hokuto's heart," he said calmly. 

Silence fell momentarily in the room. Hokuto sighed, rolling her eyes. "Oh please. None of that matters for another year and a half. We've got a wedding to survive before we have to worry about the end of the world!" 

*~~*~~* 

Hokuto was ever boisterous, ever practical, and ever blunt. Subaru felt something within himself snap into place at her words though; at hearing her so blithely speak of the end of the world. Dragons of Heaven, Dragons of Earth...a year ago he'd found himself talking to Kakyou about what was to come. The yumemi had been reluctant to say a thing about the future, but they'd discussed ideas and thoughts about why either side would be right. In the end Subaru had found within himself a greater resolve to protect humanity and hold out hope. Kakyou had concluded by saying that events had not yet unfolded to their fullest, and he could not yet decide. It had been a chilling statement; one he didn't understand and wasn't sure he wanted to. Would he be fighting his brother-in-law on the final day? 

He looked over at Seishirou again and frowned. Was there a doubt what side he would be on? Personal feelings set aside, their rolls still painted them into opposite corners. 

Hokuto was right. That was a year and a half away. "Why don't we go ahead and leave? It won't hurt to get to the restaurant early," Subaru said softly. 

The awkwardness hung in the air as they left, and even as they all walked to the nearby restaurant where they had reservations. Hokuto was the only one who seemed not to notice it, but that never meant a thing with her. It was just like her to deal with awkwardness with her usual cheerful charm and continuing conversation. She walked hand in hand with her fiancé, smiling as if nothing could change the happiness she felt at that moment. 

Subaru glanced shyly at Seishirou and thought to himself that she probably had the right idea. As if in response, the older man placed a warm hand at the nape of Subaru's neck. It sent a jolt of electricity through him, a pleasant tingle that he'd never felt around anyone else. He still wondered if he was doing the right thing, but that could wait. 

"I thought you were going to be completely yourself now. No more pretend," Subaru murmured softly, thinking of the banter that had gone on when Seishirou had first arrived. 

"Who is to say I haven't been myself?" 

"It's just, it felt like we'd gone back in time, and the past few years were gone completely. I thought that was the lie you'd told to hide the truth of the bet." It was hard to speak of, but he said the words he had to. 

His hand moved from Subaru's neck to his cheek, drawing the Sumeragi's eyes upward to meet the gaze hidden behind dark glasses. "Your sister knows who I am as well as you do, Subaru-kun. I'm not deceiving anyone." 

Subaru nodded, though he wasn't sure his question had been answered exactly. He looked down at his feet, watching the pavement pass while he thought. It was really Hokuto who had started it, he realized. She had defined how they would interact with each other, and Subaru had been swept up in the ride. He told himself he wouldn't do that anymore. Those days were done and over with, and he would happily leave them behind. 

But, Seishirou had realized his love for the person he had been back then. That's why he left. (Wait, that doesn't make sense! But, what about the Sakurazukamori made sense to Subaru in the first place?) That's why Subaru was alive today. (Yes, that made more sense.) So, if Subaru acted differently now, would that mean to anything they could have between them? 

Subaru was so lost in thought he literally walked into his sister's back. "Wake up, we're here," she teased. 

"I'm sorry, I'm so, so very sorry," he said, as embarrassed as he ever was when he made a silly mistake like that. By a stroke of chance he looked at Seishirou while he was apologizing--and saw the coldest look of boredom he'd ever imagined. 

It was something to think about. 


End file.
